It's over...

Well I did it. I'm not proud of my self if thats what you think! I didn't want to... well I did but that's not the point. I told her and all Joseph could so was witness the horror unfold as I tore his family apart. Well he watched mine, it was only faire! I can't help but feel guilty though. Alex has left him and soon his life will be a mere burning photograph in a gutter in the middle of Hampstead.

My Photo slideshow

Here's a link to a slideshow that basically tells you who I am

Should I?

Joseph has been trying to get rid of me since I first arrived in that small house in the middle of hampstead he's been trying to uproot me. He knows that I know. He knows that I have the I could tell Alex. He knows I could turn his life upside down if I reveal what he did. He's trying to shock me, To "alienate" me and make me feel like I don't belong. He's tried to make me feel guilty like I was trying to steal his life and HIS daughter. Last time I checked she was MY sister before he came along. He's been racist to me saying that immigration police are coming for me. He has done everything in his god forsaken power to stop me from being apart of her life. 

Yet I feel like if I do speak the words that could make his world come crashing down I would be doing just as much damage as I would be doing if I kept silent. I don't know should I tell her. And should I even do it. Should I tell her in secret and not cause a drama about it or should I do it loud and proud and do a giant reveal in front of that bastard Joseph like on the show me and Alex watch the other day. What was it called again? Extreme makeover home?  Something like that yes. I adore the moments I spend with her. She makes me feel like the childhood I lost can still be with me. :) Haha I've never used a "smiley" before how entertaining! 4

Anyway back to the task at hand. I know I am the trigger that could cause this entire firebomb to go off. I want Alex for myself for she is my sister and I want the four years he spent ignoring back, Hell I want the 18 years of our childhood from him. I want... I want... I want I don't know what I want. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Jesus christ. I in a foreign country trying to get revenge on a man who I thought was God but turned out to be a asswhole who stole my sister whilst we were being hunted and slaughtered. Not many people can say that about themselves "tbh".

My life is more complicated then that other show we watched what was that EastCoronationoakesdale? Okay now I know that's not right

Meaningful Quotes from my Scene

Taken from Act 2 Scene 8

"You look like our mother" Pg. 52 

"It is a great  honour to be welcomed into your home" Pg. 49 

" I asked the people at the bus stop and the bus officer" Pg. 50 

"It was no trouble" Pg. 50 

"We are family I got my sister here with me..." Pg. 51-52 

My Costume

This is me in my costume for Simon

There is quite a bit of subtext behind why I have chosen to wear this particular costume. I have worn a checked shirt because it's neat and presentable yet informal which I really feel is what Simon is all about. I however didn't Iron it very well to symbolise that he may not know how to do some normal menial chores because he didn't have parents to teach him simply how to iron a shirt. I have worn jeans that are a little short because Simon wants to look cool for Alex but he may not be able to afford new jeans so an old pair would have to do. I have also worn my old school shoes as a way of bringing forward Simon's more formal side. Also research into African traditions church shoes are often worn with most garments.

This reminds me of home

 

This was the song my Mother used to sing to me I still here it in my dreams sometimes. It's funny but sometimes I feel as if my dead family memebers talk to me, like they are reaching out for me... Like they never really died on that day. Sometimes they tell me to travel and find my place on this Earth. 

I remeber hearing this song when I tried to take my life. I was absoultely sad and I felt disconnected from the earth. I just wanted to die. I remeber lying their in my bath and the bloody water all around me, I just kept hearing her voice willing me to go on. 

I have no idea why I am telling you all this. It's just a feel like I can trust you even if I don't know exactly who you are. I miss Rwanda sometimes. I remeber my sister saying she wanted to visit our country. I feel like I've brought a little piece of home with me and that I can now share it with my sister. 

Also I feel like my plan is going very well. I've got Alex on my side now and she is slowly slipping away from that fat man. I've got an ace on him that I'm not ready to show and I'm waiting for the perfect moment to reveal who he truly is. Once I speak the words there's nothing he can do... 

My Village in Rwanda - Home

My Wondeful Village in Rwnada

The Music

What is Music? 

Hip Hop
Everyday I am introduced to new and different aspects of 21st century culture and lifestyle (it really helps with my degree) And I absolutely love it! One of the areas of urban culture in 2011 I am very interested in is the music genre of "hip hop". As one of the most eponymous music makers of every time - Tupac Shakur once said  All I'm trying to do is survive and make good out of the dirty, nasty, unbelievable lifestyle that they gave me. But really if we think about it who is they? 

My theory is that "they" are society! And who is society? Aren't we all society? Many questions have plagued my mind on this subject. Who's to blame for evil. I am not sure I quite believe in a God, I remember being very young and saying my prayers and being good and going to church on sunday's yet something terrible and horrific happened to me. Was I not a good boy mama? 
If there was/is a god then he is a very cruel one. 

Is society everyone else, excluding ourselves from the equation. If so then Society is mean. I am in this country very legally yet I still get sneered at in the street and the looks from the corners of peoples eyes. I've even been told to "fuck back to my country" by someone who wasn't even a stranger. 

Look at me! I am a terrible. I can't even start a small blog post without turning into America's next top waffle. Anywhom so back to hip hop. Hip Hop is such a.... Is  a wonderful.... I really think it.... I can't do this. I'm signing off for today  

My London adventure

 

Hello London!

 I am very excited to be in the UK. It is a wonderful place. Full of people and cars and traffic and the hussle and bussle. I am humbled by this great city of knowledge and 21st century charm. Can you believe it? Me of all people? I've come so far. I'm studying at the University of Islington in political history and finally I feel as if I have found my place. 

My flight was absolutely amazing, I had beef in the juice of tomatoes, rice and for "pudding" (is that the right word?) I had a nice pastry. I think they should sell aeroplane food in the market! I would totally buy it! It's no surprise the british public make jokes about it, because they love it so much!

I am staying with my estranged sister Alex, You don't understand how long I've waited to meet her. I feel as if we can become a type of family within this establishment in the middle of hampstead. I hope that me and Joseph can build a bridge over what happened over 20 years! Can you really believe it? 20 years ago it happened R.I.P my Parents... My childhood....

Sorry I got a bit emotional there, It's just so hard to cope with the fact of what could have been. But I never regret. Never. I must look forward to the reunion of my blood and flesh. In Rwanda we have a saying “We are preaching hope, standing on the bones of the past.”  John Rucyahana, The Bishop of Rwanda: Finding Forgiveness Amidst a Pile of Bones. It really reminds me everyday of what happened, I'm not going to try pretend it didn't happen but I will always look to the future for the good in humanity. 

A Picture of me